That was traumatic. I have just been through what was easily the most emotionally disturbing experience of my life.
My wife and I are the very proud parents of the most miraculous baby girl, Melody Joan. She is now almost six months old, and she is simply amazing. Every day with her merely adds to the wonder that I felt the day Mandy told me that we were expecting. She is a gift from God.
At least, I thought that she was a gift from God. Then she got sick.
Here's the timeline:
Monday - Melody wasn't acting like herself and was clearly sick. We got her to the doctor, and she was diagnosed with RSV. RSV is a viral infection with no vaccine and no known cure that attacks the respiratory system.
Wednesday morning - Melody had gotten worse. Mandy had a stomach bug and was concerned that maybe Melody had contracted that as well. Another doctor visit ruled that out but confirmed an ear infection and RSV progression.
Wednesday night - Because Melody slept literally all afternoon from just after one until almost five, Mandy called the doctor again. The doctor was concerned about Melody's blood oxygen levels and advised us to bring Melody to the emergency room right away. We were in the ER by 6 pm. Over the next six hours, our angel was subjected to a myriad of doctors, nurses, tests, and treatments. It was determined that she was still suffering from RSV, but was also greatly dehydrated and had a possible urinary tract or kidney infection. She was admitted to the hospital for further observation and treatment.
Early Thursday morning - Despite all the medicines and fluids, Melody had continued to run a fever all week. It even rose as high as 105 degrees at one point in the night. She still had to undergo frequent breathing treatments and receive iv fluids. When her doctor came to check on her, we learned that waiting on a few test results meant she had at least one or two more days to stay in the hospital.
Thursday afternoon, evening, and night - The late morning and the afternoon hours on Thursday were much better. Melody was more herself, even giving us a few slight but still hugely encouraging little smiles. Then the night came, and she cried. Then she cried. Then she cried some more. We tried everything we could think of-rocking, laying her in the crib, Mandy holding her, me holding her, with and without her pacifier, nursing, with and without swaddling, singing to her, letting her "cry it out," the nurses even brought a swing from the nursery-nothing worked. It was incredibly disheartening. Then...she fell asleep. Despite all the nurses vital sign checks, breathing treatments, and even an early Friday morning blood draw for lab work, she slept through the night.
Friday - I had to go in to work... ... ... ... ... ...
Meanwhile, the doctor was telling us that Melody's chest X-ray, blood tests, and initial urine results looked good. At this point, we were told she could go home after she went 24 hours without a fever spike. Great news! Then, just before lunch her temperature rose over 100 again. At least one more night in the hospital.
Friday evening - Another doctor visit, this time saying that if she makes it through the night with no fever, she might be released in the morning.
Saturday- A different doctor confirms that Melody does not have pneumonia or any infections except in her ear. However, because she still isn't eating or drinking much, she must stay one more night.
Sunday morning - The doctor confirmed our girl was well enough to be released. Melody came home!
That was such a welcome relief to us. Still, if our daughter were truly a gift from God, how could this happen? Somewhere along the way, I found myself asking a potentially dangerous question.
Where was God?
Where was God for five and a half months when we were praying to him over Melody every night asking for good health and protection from disease?
Where was God after she was diagnosed and we began, along with friends and family, to intercede on her behalf and pray for healing?
Where was God that Wednesday night when our baby girl was lying in the emergency room suffering and scared?
Where was God when the nurse in the ER was unable to successfully set up Melody's iv in her arm and had to call in a team to place it in a vein in her scalp instead?
Where was God while we were in the ER and hospital administration came in wanting to collect our insurance deductible of several thousand dollars?
Where was God when our little girl was living for days in a hospital room with cardiac and respiratory monitors keeping her hooked to one machine while an iv flowing into her scalp kept her hooked to another?
Where was God when my grandfather, who I'm convinced is the greatest man of God walking on this planet, couldn't stay in the room with his great granddaughter for more than two or three minutes because his heart was so badly breaking for her?
Where was God that Thursday night when my precious child could not be soothed for hours and I could no longer hold myself together? Where was he as my baby cried, and I sobbed, and my wife cried because I was losing it and was unable to tell her what was wrong?
Where was God on Friday morning when, because of circumstances mostly beyond my control, I had to get up and go to work, leaving my wife and baby sleeping in a hospital room to cope with the uncertainty together but without me?
Where was God when we were supposed to be getting closer to going home, but Melody's condition kept changing and resetting the countdown?
Where was God?
It's a hard question to face, especially under such adversity. You see, it is very easy to believe in God and to see his handiwork in your life when everything is going perfectly. What about times like this? What about when your one and only baby girl is in such a terrible situation? I have to say that I have never thought longer or harder about this than I have in the last several days. My faith in God has never been so tested.
Where was God?
I believe that I know the answers.
Correction: I know I know the answers.
God was there.
Ask any child you know where God is, and you'll likely be give an emphatic one word answer. "Everywhere!" It is a basic truth about God. In fact, it's so basic that we as adults tend to lose focus of the concept because of its simplicity.
God is everywhere, so God was there.
God was there for over twenty five years (including seven years of our marriage that we were convinced we would be unable to have kids) watching, listening, and planning perfection as Mandy grew up dreaming of being a mother.
God was there for five and a half months protecting Melody from sickness. Yes something got to her this time, but she's only been sick for 6 days. She was healthy and strong for an astonishing 170 days as a newborn before then.
God was there in the emergency waiting room with my parents who spent nearly six hours sitting alone and waiting on news about their only granddaughter.
God was there that Wednesday in two different churches, the one we recently left and the one we recently joined, as they heard the news and both congregations began to join in prayer and agreement.
God was there with a team of medical experts who had the knowledge, skills, and experience to know that Melody needed an iv. They also had the knowledge, skills, and experience to move to a "Plan B" when there were issues that arose. He also had apparently designed Melody for just such a contingency. We were later informed that scalp ivs must usually be changed after one day in kids. Ours held up and didn't have to be moved in just over three days worth of hospital stay.
God was there years before when a couple at church reached out and introduced us to Dave Ramsey, which led to us paying off our debt and building up some savings so that we had cash available in an Emergency Fund for just such an occasion.
God was there in that hospital room. He was pouring out his love for us in the form of multiple visits from the pastors at our new church, our family, our friends, and even the pastor and some members of the congregation at our old church. There were stuffed animals, cards, balloons, gift baskets, flowers, and meals brought to the room encouraging us and our baby through this ordeal. One of Mandy's close friends provided the most poignant moment as she prayed over our daughter. She mentioned God having to watch as his only son suffered for us. God was there, and he knew what we were enduring.
God was there walking right beside my grandfather just as he always does, probably with a comforting arm around his shoulder. God may have even carried him for a little while.
God was there when my strength finally failed and my emotions took over, and he was catching every single tear that fell as I wept uncontrollably.
God was there in my office helping me to focus on the task I had to complete. He was there and provided me with coworkers who graciously accepted my very early morning text messages after our ER visit and kindly agreed to cover for me when I missed work, and with an understanding boss who encouraged me to return to my family by leaving work early after I had accomplished my goal.
God was there making sure our little girl got all the treatment she needed from the professionals before Mandy and I brought her home to finish healing up.
I mentioned earlier that's is easier to see God in the good days in life. Such a belief has a corollary as well. It must also be easier to doubt God in the bad times. When all we do is look for, dwell on, and remain in the dark places, then all we can do is doubt.
What should we do instead? Because of the calling to music ministry in my life, I often find answers in lyrics. In hard times, I always think about two songs.
Matt Redman sings "...for all your goodness I will keep on singing, ten thousand reasons for my heart to find."
Phillips, Craig, and Dean sang "Though the darkness for a moment may hide tomorrow's light, just beyond what eyes can see the light of hope is bright. There's a little bit of morning outside. There's a new beginning in the sky. It's been a while, but now the time is right to spread your wings and fly. Silent hearts sing a brand new song. The darkest night is just before the dawn. Weary soul arise. Wipe the pain from your eyes. There's a little bit of morning outside."
You can find God anywhere if you want, because he's there. He's everywhere. All you have to do is look. I encourage you, if you find yourself in a similar situation, to stop for a moment and consider how much worse things could be. You may not get the exact answer that you thought you would or should get, but look closer. You can find the evidence of your heavenly Father working on your behalf.
And when you reach the end of your rope, spend the 99 cents it takes to download and listen to Phillips, Craig, and Dean's "Little Bit of Morning."
Weary soul arise. Wipe the pain from your eyes. There's a little bit of morning outside.
We often refer to Melody as "our little princess." You see she is, always was, and ALWAYS will be a miracle gift from God. No matter what.
She is also the daughter of the King of kings, a true princess. She's home now and on the road to full recovery.
God would never abandon her, or us.
God was there.
Scripture: “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” - Deuteronomy 31:8
Quote: "Some people grumble because roses have thorns; I am thankful that the thorns have roses." - Alphonse Karr
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