parenthood. I am suddenly reviewing and questioning much of the conventional
"wisdom" that I have been taught or that I have merely picked up over the years.
Someday, it will be my job to impart as much of my wisdom as possible into my
son or daughter. The truth is, that day will be here much sooner than I am
currently ready to admit. I need to get my thoughts straight for myself so that
I know what I believe. Which of these adages, cliches, and catchphrases ring
true and which are setting us up for varying degrees of pain and suffering?
Some are so blatantly, over-the-top annoying that you can tell they were
painstakingly contrived by someone intentionally trying to invent a sound bite.
For example, "Smile, it increases your face value." Rest assured this absurdity
is not something to which I will subject my child.
Others are the unfortunate result of our culture's rapidly increasing dependence
on technology and "social" media. People can no longer simply talk to one
another. We all communicate via text message, tweets, or Facebook posts. This
has led to a trend of abbreviations and acronyms that merely represent what we
are actually trying to say. Examples are "WWJD" (what would Jesus do) and "DTA"
(don't trust anybody.) Both of those ideas have valid applications. However,
beside raising my child to actually learn spelling and sentence structure, there
is one text language creation that I believe is excellent daily advice. "LOL."
Laugh out loud. True it didn't originate as a directive, but rather a response
to let your friend, real or digital, know that their comment amused you. Still,
this is one of the best things I could teach my kid. No matter what, every
single day, find a reason to laugh out loud. Laughter is tremendous medicine.
There are several sitcoms that run in syndication every weeknight on television
that my remote control seems to naturally gravitate toward for some reason. I
love to watch them because they make me laugh every night. As a result, when I
go to bed, my mood is almost guaranteed to be better than it has been throughout
the day. Honest, uncontrolled, out loud laughter eases the tensions that our
daily lives may create. Try it. LOL!
What about ancient parental wisdom? Things like "Life's not fair." This has
been said to kids by their parents for as long as there have been parents or
kids. This will also be part of the dialogue between myself and my child because
it couldn't be truer. First off, it has already been scientifically proven to be true. Secondly, in my spiritual walk as a Christian, the principle
of life being unfair is the only way that I can actually have life. You see, I
am a sinner, and as such, I deserve only punishment, death, and hell. However,
I am a sinner that has been saved by grace. Because of God's love, and Christ's
death on the cross for me, I don't have to face or endure what I deserve, what
is "fair." I thank God that life is not fair. I hope that my child truly
grasps that and grows up eternally grateful.
Now to the two gems about which I truly have the biggest reservations.
First, whatever you do you must always "give it 110%." Simply put, this is
impossible. What is possible is that there is no more insane sentence in the
English language. Well, maybe "You should try yoga." Anyway, in any
measurement, the full amount of something equals 100%. It is not humanly,
physically, or magically possible to give more than that. I think the former
coaching staff of the St. Louis Rams football team had a more realistic view of
effort and hustle. They used to count and punish players for "loafs." Then
defensive coordinator, Lovie Smith defined a "loaf" as a player changing speed
during a play. If a player gave up and slowed down, he loafed. Even better,
what if a player sped up? Many praise that player as "going to the next level"
or "finding another gear." To the Rams coaches, he loafed. That he sped up
only showed that he wasn't going full blast to begin with. He wasn't giving
100%. Your maximum effort is all you can give. I think one of Tony Horton's
P90X mottos is more appropriate. "Do your best, and forget the rest."
Finally, the Golden Rule. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
As a Christian father, I suppose that I am contractually obligated to teach my
child this life lesson. If it takes, at least my kid will make one mother very
proud. I won't share my ever growing list of doubts about the Golden Rule. It
just seems that there is plenty of evidence that there is little or no personal
benefit to actually living out the Golden Rule. Suffice it to say, I'm not 110%
sold on this one. The fact is, right or wrong, I'm afraid that following this
rule only reveals a harsh tendency of humanity that is summed up nicely in one
final proverb.
"If you give someone an inch, they will take a mile."
What do you think? What advice should I give to my son or daughter?
Scripture: Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will
not depart from it. - Proverbs 22:6
Quote: "There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from
the things we do." - Freya Stark
