It was the end of what will be a very memorable weekend for my family. We had just spent several days celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary. The actual anniversary was on Thursday. That evening my wife, Mandy, and I had a wonderful dinner out with just the two of us and our daughter, Melody. Then on Saturday night, we had a nice dinner celebration with a bunch of our friends and family. Sunday afternoon was spent unwinding and resting up for the coming week.
Then, everything changed...again.
I don't actually remember what I was doing. It is probably a safe bet that I was watching television. That's a fairly constant weekend activity for me. It was likely some sporting event. Then, Mandy called me back into our room. She handed me a small box and told me that she had one last anniversary gift for me. Mandy is always going above and beyond in the gift giving department. For this particular anniversary, she had already given me a banjo. I'm a guitarist and have said for years that I am intrigued by the banjo and would like to try my hand at it. So, she bought me one. Needless to say, I certainly did not expect or deserve anything else from her. So, I opened the box.
Inside were several pairs of tiny socks. (I'll be honest. As I wrote that last sentence, I heard it in the voice of Lily Aldrin.) Now most, if not all of you, have already cleverly figured out the significance. Sadly, I was not so quick. Melody is two, and I was trying to figure out why Mandy was giving me more socks for her. I totally missed the fact that they were way too small. So, I had to ask. "What are these?" Then she showed me the test.
It said we were pregnant...again.
That's how she broke it to me.
It couldn't have been more perfect...again.
We are going to have another baby. We are switching to man to man defense. We will soon be the prototypical family unit: dad, mom, and two beautiful children.
Now is a good time to share a little background. Mandy and I were married for over six years before we were finally told that it would be both medically possible and safe for us to have kids. Our oldest child is about to turn three, and we have had discussions on and off again for most of those three years about the possibility of having a second baby. I have often said, semi-jokingly, that we shouldn't have another because we had the perfect child already. Based on the horror stories that we've heard from others, we had a relatively easy pregnant and delivery, and Mel is and has been a great kid who is kind, obedient, and respectful at least most of the time. How could we possibly follow that up successfully?
Then, a few months back, we made the decision. We both wanted another baby. We hadn't really discussed it much with anyone else. We didn't broadcast to all we know that we were trying. We just began working toward our new dream.
Now that dream is coming true. With that, a new set of questions and concerns has arisen.
With our first pregnancy, my primary concerns were financial and parental. The financial worries are largely similar this time around. While we were able to economically survive having a baby once, how can we make sure we are able to do it again? For one thing, the items and supplies needed for child care have undoubtedly risen in price over the last three years. Also, we no longer have to learn to budget for a family of dad, mom, and new baby. Now we must successfully plan for dad, mom, new baby, and a growing three year old. Having experienced the economic effect of a new baby once, I feel as though we should be able to handle it again. However, the concept of a second baby is just as foreign now as a first baby was three years ago. I can't help but wonder and worry a little.
The parental concerns for a second kid are much different than they were for the first. I believe that Mandy and I have a very good approach to parenting, and I believe that the abilities and attitudes exhibited by our daughter are evidence of this. Are we perfect? No. Are we the best parents in history? Not likely. However, I am extremely proud of the person our daughter already is and is becoming and of the role my wife and I have played as parents shaping that person. New questions arise when contemplating a second child. How do we help Melody transition from being an only child to being a big sister? How do we provide appropriate levels of care and attention to both children and not risk short changing one or the other? How do we keep both kids from developing entitlement complexes and using terms like "deserve" or "fair" with regard to their sibling, parents, or the world around them? What, if anything, can we do to ensure both children remain healthy and happy? Can we avoid a repeat of Melody's hospital stay and the emotional toll that it took on my wife and me? (That remains the darkest time in my life to date.) What am I not seeing or considering? Am I missing anything?
What am I supposed to think...again?
Honestly, I still don't know what to think. The simple fact is, having one baby doesn't automatically mean that you can or should have two. Yes, there will be many similarities. However, there will be many differences as well. I have said it before, and I'll say it again. Whatever is coming will come whether I'm ready or not. So, I am going to use the same approach as I did the first time. We can do some planning as necessary, but avoid paralysis by over-analysis. Wait and see. Read and react.
After all, it has worked out very well for us thus far.
We're going to have a baby...again.
Bring it on!
Scripture: Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. - Psalm 127:3
Quote: "Well I just heard the news today. It seems my life is going to change. I close my eyes, begin to pray. Then tears of joy stream down my face." - Scott Stapp
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