Doubts

I doubt that God exists.

Wait...what?

I actually said that. I doubt that God exists.

To the few people who truly know me, that admission could be startling, unsettling, infuriating, and potentially heartbreaking. After all, I was raised in a Christian home. My entire family is Christian. I married a Christian girl, and I have been actively involved for years in various levels of service in Christian churches.

How could a guy with such a background, not believe in God?

Because of some recent changes in my life-old friendships lost, new friendships growing, and moving to a new (Christian) home church-there are other people who don't know me so well yet. These people sit and discuss God and the church with me. They play with me on the worship team at the new church, or they see me playing guitar and singing songs to God every Sunday morning and helping to lead others in worship of God.

How could that guy not believe in God?

Then there's a third group of people. You may actually be one of these people. They're past acquaintances or friends and family separated from me by great distances or the passing of time who, in between photos of my daughter and interesting historical quotes, read scriptures or Christian song lyrics that I post on Facebook. They're complete strangers who, in between rants about the flaws of the Texas Rangers or Carolina Panthers and the most brilliant 140 character quips online, read the spiritual thoughts and insights that I tweet or retweet on twitter. Perhaps they're readers of this blog, either loyal followers or someone who accidentally stumbled upon it through some long, crazy web browsing session. They've read my posts about God's freedom, God's music, and even God's justice. They see that I incorporate God into most of my writings and include at least one Bible verse or passage at the end of each post on this blog.

How could a writer with so much published material about, related to, or referencing God actually not believe in God? (The words "writer" and "published" being very loosely defined for the purposes of this illustration.)

To clarify, I didn't say that I don't believe in God. I said I doubt that God exists.

What's the difference?

The truth is that I utilized a dirty little writer's trick where I took a few words out of context, set them out as their own stand alone thought, and created a misleading point to grab the observer's attention.

You know. It's like when somebody tells you that "You shall not make any cuts on your body for the dead or tattoo yourselves..." (from Leviticus 19) when you start talking about finally getting that body art that you have wanted for years.

You see, if I had started off by saying "Every once in a while, because of circumstances or events in my life, there are moments in time where temporarily I wonder or I doubt that God exists...occasionally," you probably wouldn't have been as interested. It just doesn't have the same gripping effect.

I think the problem is that many people, some believers and some non-believers, have confused the concepts of doubt and unbelief. I do not think that they are interchangeable. Yet, I'm certain some of my Christian friends and family saw the beginning of this writing and immediately feared that I had turned my back on God. I've also heard atheists discuss their outlook with phrases like "Here's why I doubt that God exists." I've listened to skeptics who state that they doubt there is a God, but that it is possible

That is the difference. Doubt is not unbelief. Doubt, if not dealt with or confronted properly, can lead one into unbelief.

The definition of doubt is to be uncertain about something. It is a natural, human reaction to many things a person may (or may not) see, hear, or experience. To disbelieve something, by definition, means to withhold or reject belief. That is very different. Unbelief is not a fleeting moment of wonder or questioning. Unbelief is a personal, conscious decision to not believe.

I can remember being a kid when Nolan Ryan threw his seventh and final no hitter for the Texas Rangers. My parents had to tell me about it the next day. I didn't see it for myself. I recall arguing with them because I wasn't sure it was possible. I thought perhaps they were just playing around with me. I doubted.

How did I resolve my doubt? Two ways really. One, I listened to my parents. They were the people with more knowledge and who had actual experience with the question at hand, in this case baseball history. Two, I checked documentation. Turns out they keep records of major events in history. All you have to do is read all about it.

I have stated before that doubt is one of my most frequent struggles. This is due in no small part to my scientific background. Having spent much of my time in high school and nearly all of my time in college inside a science classroom, I have been presented with many reasons to disbelieve God. Many in the scientific community will not acknowledge the possibility of God or supernatural events because they cannot not be physically tested and explained.


Many others believe that the evidence presented by our physical world overwhelmingly indicates that everything in the universe formed and/or evolved naturally, without any influence of God at all.

That type of education combined with my analytical personality and what my wife describes as a "hyperlogical brain" probably leads me to doubt more than many other Christians might. However, it does not change my beliefs.

Allow me to state definitively: I believe that Nolan Ryan did throw seven no hitters. More importantly, I believe there is a God. I believe there is only one true God, and that he is the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I believe there is a heaven and a hell and that you and I both will eventually end up spending eternity in one of those destinations. I believe that science and the diversity of life and complexity of life on Earth serves as evidence for, not against, God.

I also believe that I am not immune to doubt.

To date, the most successful post on this blog relates the story of the event in my life that tried my faith the most. It is the closest my doubt has ever come to being converted to unbelief. There have been a plethora of smaller thoughts, events, or experiences that have led to doubt.

How do I resolve my doubt? I use the same two techniques that I did with Nolan Ryan. I rely on the knowledge and wisdom of others with more experience than me. This could be family, friends, pastors, teachers, etc. Also, I check the documentation. I refer to the official record book, the Bible. I can ALWAYS find the answer there.

I often regret the fact that doubt enters my life.

I don't believe that I should feel guilty though.

Those are often the instances where I seek after, and draw even closer to, God.

Scripture: "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." - Hebrews 11:1

Quote: "Science brings men nearer to God." - Louis Pasteur

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